Recalibrating Pain to Purpose in the Encore
The most painful experiences shape who you become. By the time you reach the Encore of life, there have been plenty of unexpected trials, challenges, and heartbreaks…and life isn’t over! These experiences shape you for better or worse, depending on where you place your hope.
Jesus promises to be our comfort, and he invites us to extend the comfort we have received to others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). The Encore is a time to reconcile these experiences to Jesus so that we are available to share our story of transformation with others.
Below are four questions we can ask as we consider how to navigate the path of pain to find God’s purposes.
What Have I Been Through?
If I ask you, “Which experiences most shaped who you are today?” you will likely share stories that are as difficult as they are joyful. The Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory lists the most stressful events in life, and most of us have experienced broken bones of physical injury, broken hearts in relationships, broken work that leads to financial stress, and broken dreams that led to unexpected transitions.
Listening to what others have been through is a powerful way to help them towards healing. Asking good questions and listening deeply are ways you can bless others. The Trauma Healing Institute gives us three powerful questions we can ask:
What happened?
How did you feel?
What was the hardest part for you?
This last question is powerful because it’s too easy to think we already know. But that’s often based on how we would experience an event instead of the way that person is experiencing it.
What Is God Teaching Me So Far?
We cannot always see what God is doing immediately. Jesus is the reconciler of all things (2 Cor 5:18-20), but that reconciliation does not happen instantaneously.
When we ask the question, “What is God teaching me so far?” we’re admitting several realities. We acknowledge the world is broken but that God is still and always good. We acknowledge we may feel stuck but God is always on the move. We acknowledge our confusion but are expectant that God will teach us even more than we currently understand.
When we ask others this question, it’s a gracious invitation. We can’t rush the conversation, and we can’t expect they have all the answers. But we’re framing the conversation with the hope that Jesus desires to use these experiences to produce more joy in us.
How can I move one step closer to Jesus?
I asked a friend of mine how he reconciled the slow decline and passing of his spouse. He told me, “I learned and resolved to pray for two things each day. First, that Jesus would change our circumstances by healing her completely. Second, that if Jesus did not change our circumstances, that he would change me in the process.”
Jesus does not always remove our circumstances. But what does it look like to move one step closer to Jesus? It is asking him to transform you, even if your circumstances never do. It is expressing your deepest laments, pouring your heart out to him, knowing he can handle it. It is reminding yourself of the truths of Jesus’ character and that your foundation is built on him even when life is hard (Matthew 7:24-27)
Psalm 138:8 says, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me. Your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” This means we believe God has given us good promises, loves us deeply, and that he will not abandon us.
One step closer may not feel like much. But small steps toward Jesus each day are what lead us toward a transformed life. Gradually but suddenly, you find that your steps toward Jesus have changed you, especially when you discover you have hope to share with others.
How can I share the hope I have with others?
Katherine Wolf had a major stroke at just 26 years old, spent 40 days in the intensive care unit, and nearly 2 years in brain rehabilitation. 16 years later, she wrote a devotional called Treasures in the Dark. Each day in the devotional describes an aspect of her journey and the hope in Jesus that has surfaced. At the end of each chapter, she asks the same question: “If it’s true for me, might it be true for you?”
This is not a trite question to ask. It’s actually quite humble and daring. It is an invitation to find hope in your story through her story. But it requires an important action item: understanding and articulating the story.
Sharing our hope comes from reflecting and learning our story, as best as we know in this moment.
A few questions that might help us articulate our story:
What did I believe before and what do I believe now?
Where is Jesus in my story now, even if I didn’t see him clearly for part of the journey?
What hope do I have now that I did not have before?
What have I experienced because of these things that I would not have otherwise?
What part of the story is unresolved? And how am I giving that to Jesus?
Sharing Your Hope and Your Scars
By the time we reach the Encore of life, we have plenty of scars. A scar communicates that something hurt, but you have not ignored or forgotten it. A scar is a wound that has healed, though its influence lingers.
These scars are part of the story we steward. Jesus met us in our hardest times, comforts us and leads us forward, so that we might share comfort and hope.
Wherever you are in the process of thinking about your Encore, there are a few simple next steps to choose from:
If you’d like to talk one-on-one, I’d be glad to connect.
Or if you’d rather ease into the conversation, you’re welcome to join us for one of our weekly lunches.
