Discovering Your Marriage Pace in Retirement
Retirement changes your pace. Couples have the opportunity to choose new rhythms to define their Encore years. We might mistake a full calendar for a meaningful life. Jesus never measured life in busyness. He calls us to be fruitful in ways that glorify Him.
A Different Pace, Same Goal
Time passes differently in marriage during the Encore. In many ways, it slows down. There is space that didn’t exist before. The urgency tied to deadlines or expectations is gone. There is more time to linger. There is less hurry. Life has margin.
But in another way, time can feel faster than ever. Your kids and grandkids may move at a much quicker pace than you are. There can be a growing sense that this season matters deeply, but it’s slipping through your fingers without the structure you had.
This tension - slow days, fast years - can feel deeply unsettling for the couple trying to adjust to this new phase of life.
Couples entering the Encore should expect a new pace, but the goal is still the same: to love Jesus with our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. And we anticipate that the new pace will be the healthiest and most fruitful season we have ever experienced.
Busyness is Not the Same as Fruitfulness
For years, your life likely had a predictable structure. Work shaped your days. Roles were clearly defined. Responsibilities created predictable, comforting boundaries. You got up, went to work, came home. Rinse and repeat.
Retirement removes these built-in structures. For the first time in decades, the structure is yours to build.
Even if career was not your primary source of achievement, it was a built-in rhythm.
Now the quesion is no longer “What are we doing today?”
We can give more focus to “Who is God shaping us to become - together?”
And this can be a beautiful invitation into a new kind of fruitfulness. It’s an invitation to move from a life driven by activity to a life shaped by intention.
Fulfillment in this season won’t come from striving harder to fill the calendar, but from staying connected—to Jesus and to your spouse.
Abide to Bear Fruit
Jesus says we cannot bear fruit unless we abide in Him (John 15:5). To abide means to be with Jesus, in Jesus, and to receive, rest, and trust all that God is for us. It is a living, vital, desperate dependence on Christ through His word that transforms our hearts and our actions.
At a time when we are evaluating our purpose, and finding new rhythms in our marriage, we must reaffirm our belief that we can do no good thing without Him. Abiding Him is our first aim. We believe that He will show us the good and fruitful work if we seek Him first.
Spiritual growth as a couple may be a new experience for some married couples. Sharing our spiritual journey can be quite vulnerable, and we have passively avoided those conversations in the past.
Retirement is an opportunity to connect spiritually with your spouse. Your spiritual intimacy, and the joy that comes from it, can lead you to clarity in how you invest your time.
Abiding is the foundation to knowing where God is leading you next.
Define Intentional Rhythms
For the first time in decades, you have a calendar you can shape together.
What rhythms will help us flourish in marriage?
Which relationships need more attention?
Which priorities will most shape our calendar?
What assumptions might we be making that we should articulate clearly?
These questions may sound invigorating or overwhelming. Without a plan, it’s easy to drift into one of two extremes:
Overfilling your time with busyness
Letting time wander without structure
Neither of these options leaves couples feeling fulfilled.
In the Encore curriculum, we help you build your calendar. In our first session together, we look at your current schedule and pace. After defining the most important commitments, relationships, and opportunities for your Encore lifestyle, we finish the curriculum with an updated calendar. We believe the work God appoints you to do can become the appointments on your schedule.
We are not after a stunning calendar, but to become available and responsive to Jesus. By delighting in Jesus, we believe he will give us the greatest joy, and then a shared vision for the Encore season.
Wherever you are in the process of thinking about your Encore, there are a few simple next steps to choose from:
If you’d like to talk one-on-one, I’d be glad to connect.
Or if you’d rather ease into the conversation, you’re welcome to join us for one of our weekly lunches.
